The Inspiration, Context, and Vision

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Created in 2020, “Do I Qualify for Love?” explores themes of power, loss of family traditions, and love. I wanted to unpack the evening I was attacked by my parents during summer break, in 1988. I wanted to share something personal and confessional, like a journal entry. I begin the film with an introduction to my parents and then move into becoming my 17-year-old self to tell the story in realtime, after the recounting of the night, I come back to my 50-year-old self and share the devastating impact of the night. 

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Disclaimer: mentions suicide attempt and child abuse.

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I shot the film in black and white, cinematically breaking the fourth wall to create intimacy with the viewers. I love the way black and white films are lit and how it seems easier to focus on them, like, film noir. This story is sort of sinister in its own way. I wanted viewers to experience the pain intimately, using a single camera angle for a raw, authentic portrayal.

 

On filming day, I had two nightmares about my close friend due to a traumatic breakup before the covid lockdown. I channeled my intense feelings of loss from the broken friendship and the trauma of that night when I recorded the video. My dear friend was a source of love and support unlike my parents.

 

Production and Exhibition History

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The film was recorded on my cellphone with a low-set ring light in 4K. It was intended to be part of a program of films, each sharing a story the creator shared with the viewers. I had a quick turn around time. I wore all black clothing and used my winged earrings as a symbol of hope and courage. My new apartment’s empty living room in the summer of 2020 provided a clean dark background. 

 

Originally consisting of five clips, editing the film was emotionally taxing due to the nature of the story, but the result was worth it to me. Simon M. Sperl created the soundtrack. I submitted it to 67 film festivals, gaining entry into 9, including the Minneapolis St. Paul International Film Festival where it was nominated for Best Short Documentary and voted by the audience for an encore as part of the Best of the Fest in 2021.

 

The film was on the former Queer Bee subscription service in London, England, following its selection as an official entry in their film festival in 2021. In 2022, Cinema Feast, another subscription service, discovered the film, adding it and Ordinary to their platform in Canada and Africa. The film was also invited and showcased at the Within, Between, and Beyond Film Festival at the Minneapolis Arts Institute in 2021, as well as at Snapshots of Queer, an LGBT+ History Month screening at Metro State University in St. Paul, Minnesota in 2022.

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The comments have been turned off. Art is subjective. I'd love to hear from you so please, get in touch with  me directly for comments, suggestions, or questions. Thank you for watching!

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